two weeks ago, sleeping was easy. But, now it’s like a chore, it’s something I must get done in order to stay alive and healthy. But, I just can’t seem to get there, once I am asleep I dream and my dreams aren’t normal anymore. They’re my curse, my torment. When I dream I have nightmares. In the past four weeks I have had one dream that didn’t freak me out or make me worry or feel sad, just one. I used to love sleeping, and I still like napping, but to sleep for more than an hour is asking a lot. I don’t want to sleep, I’m awake. I’m wide awake. I don’t want to dream anymore. For once I want to sleep and have no dreams. I want to wake up and not be thankful that the dream wasn’t real. I want one night to not remember my dreams. Right now my reality isn’t a tragedy, but it is plagued by a tragic event, and between all the crying I would really appreciate one night of sleep that helps me find peace. I just want some kind of peace tonight. Please.
The only peace I had recently was the nap I took with Daniel this morning, when I received sad news. I was held tightly in his arms and everything was safe and warm and there wasn’t a problem in the world. I want it back. I want to be able to sleep in safety and without a problem. I want the peace I have in Daniel’s arms.
He’s my dream come true, if anyone is wondering why I’m not just going to lie in his arms right now, I can’t I have to take care of my family. But, there’s really no one like him. He’s wonderful and caring and sweet. He always over-worries, I love it. He’s good to his family. He’s very smart, sometimes a smart-ass but in a cute way. lol yes he pulls off a brilliant cute smart ass lol it’s all true. He’s my light in a dark place, my umbrella during a rainy day, my blanket when it’s freezing, and my nightlight when I am afraid of the dark.
When I was little I used to daydream about someone sweeping me off my feet. Maybe things didn’t start out perfect with Dan, but we’ve pulled through and it’s the most rewarding decision I’ve ever made, and it scared the shinnanigan’s out of me. But, he has all of me, every last inch, and I’ve never felt safer.
But, anyways, I pray tonight my dreams don’t visit me, I hope you’ll pray for me too.